Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Mother of Invention

I believe that Laundry is the butt hole of all domestic chores. In fact it may even be the hemorrhoid. There is no glory in the job of laundry, in fact quite the contrary. Upon completion of the task I present my children with a stack of clean folded clothes and do I get a hug, smile, high five, of a big "Thanks Mom!" Nope they just roll their eyes and sigh knowing they have to put the clothes into the drawers that is unless they have learned to jump into the drawers themselves ( sounding a bit like my mother there)

My husband and I split the household chores and somehow he seems to get the glorious jobs. Cooking meals involves everyone gathering together in anticipation at parties or our nightly family supper. The kids lick their lips in anticipation and throw out suggestions of what Dad should make. We all sit together and appreciate the hard work that went into a meal, say thank you and then help clean up. "Glorious!"
He also does the yard work which lets the whole neighborhood know. I am a busy guy taking care of my family. Passing cars honk, neighbors admire and even offer him a beer at the end of a job well done so they can sit back and admire...well.. grass. Every time we attend a fundraiser I will undoubtedly find Patrick at the silent auction table bidding on some "gas powered, destructive, dangerous man tool" for the lawn. He talks the previously mentioned neighbor into going "halvsies" the grass mulching machine that cuts and sprays and requires goggles much to our children's delight and my horror. It is all for a good cause he assures me..."Glorious!"

I am stuck at the back of the house surrounded by stinking, dirty, piles and piles of clothes which are covered in all manner of human body fluids. I believe the piles are like Gremlins if you get them wet they just multiply. Come on give me a deck to build with tools, something social you can invite buddies to assist with and then upon completion I can call people over to admire what I have done. No one has ever stopped by to admire my piles of clean folded one. I think that is why in the old days women would hang clothes out to dry. It was a sign to all the neighbors, "Hey I am working in here that's right I am busy busy and I take good care of my family." Maybe I will move my laundry room to a see through bubble in the back yard and people passing by could wave and toss me food every once and a while. My teenager complains that my laundry room is in his bedroom and I have to remind him that actually his bed is in my laundry room.

In my house, because the duty of laundry belongs solely to me every other family member takes advantage of the situation by taking absolutely anything off their bedroom floor and putting it in the hamper and will then declare their room clean and read for inspection. My husband is especially guilty of this domestic crime. I am so pleased to come home to a clean bedroom until I realize in the hallway there are four belts, 2 Halloween costumes, every outfit I tried on for my ladies splurge night and piled in the corner, blankets, clean clothes and a fancy velvet dress. The laundry hamper is not a "Get out of cleaning your room Free card!" Once clothes are on the pile in my house whether they should be there or not they must be washed. That pile just becomes one giant cesspool of bum and armpit smell.

And don't get me started on socks. I love the summer because no one needs to wear socks. No sorting, matching, or dumping out the sock box to just settle for any combination of socks that is close after 10 minutes of searching. Growing up I vowed to myself that I would NEVER have a sock box. The amount of my youth that was wasted in the endless search for two matching socks is too terrible for me to recall. The only benefit of winter is being able to wear tights and if I could bear the thought of my husband wedged into a pair of my tights and still have romantic feelings for him I would insist we get rid of socks all together.

In our family the seven of us wear 2 socks a day so in a week I am forced to contend with 98 socks. Is there any wonder I can't find two matching ones. Well necessity is the mother of invention so stayed tuned in the fall when I present my newest invention to the good people at "Dragon's Den" Idiot socks.... You know what idiot mittens are right? Well these are idiot socks with a string up the pantleg.

Here is the website I registered. Stay tuned for design and ordering information and together we can put an end to Sock Boxes across this great Nation......."GLORIOUS!"

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