Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Mom's Laundry Rules

I have been a mother for the last 13 years. An extremely conservative estimate would be that I have done 1-2 loads of laundry a day which would mean I have washed, dried, folded and put away between 5-10 thousand loads of laundry. By the time Ellie graduates in 17 years I will have done another 7-14 thousand loads of dirty stinkin laundry.

This being said let me share with you the new sign above my washer and dryer

Corla's Laundry Rules

1 Just because it is on the floor does not mean it is dirty.

2 If you leave it on the floor the dog will most definitely pee or poop on it and then it will be dirty so if you have ignored rule 1 and there is poo on the clothes please shake them off before putting them in the pile.

3 Clean clothes left in a pile with stinky dirty clothes will eventually become stinky and dirty too through some crazy stink osmosis. If mom finds folded clean clothes in the dirty clothes pile one more time you will be going to school/work in your Halloween costume because I will donate all your other clothes to charity until you learn to appreciate them. This will only work to your advantage one day a year so don't test me.

4 Anything found in the laundry becomes property of the person doing said laundry (MOM) This specifically includes money! I have a collection of dimes and quarters and one day when you come home from school and drop your shoes, jacket and backpack one inch inside the door you will call me and all you will find is a note on the table that says, "Gone on a holiday to Jamaica with the laundry money. Make yourself a snack. Love MOM"

5 The following things DO NOT belong in a washing machine or a dryer
Ipods, small animals, small children, diapers, pull ups, rocks from the playground, kleenex, toilet paper, pens, playdough, muffins, notes from school, blackberries, gum or chocolate bars.

6 If it comes out wrinkled don't iron it just put it back in the dryer with a wet towel.

7 Hockey equipment and the middle school gym strip must be washed and dried alone. Better yet take it to the laundromat. That stink should be someone else's problem. This to me trying to get the smell out is a useless endeavor much like shovelling while it is still snowing.

8 If it is in the pile don't sniff it just wash it. The smell of bum creeps up into your brain and stays with you all day.

9 If you run out of laundry soap do not use shampoo, hand or dish soap or bubble bath.

10 If you run the washing machine with no clothes in it you are having a "mommy brain day" Go directly to the couch and put your feet up.

11 The Dryer is a very bad hiding spot.

12 If there is puke on the sheets shake it out before you wash it or you will be picking corn and hot dog chunks out afterwards take my word for it. Better yet throw the sheets in the garbage and buy new ones.

Love Your Mother!

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