Ok so now that the guys are gone lets talk about boobies. They are wonderful mystical things, we all have them so what makes them so interesting? I challenge your right now stop for a minute and think in your head 10 slang names for boobs. I bet you can do it no problem. ( Now see if you can think of the names of 10 past Canadian Prime Ministers.... Takes you a lot longer ,if you can even do it. I am not comparing politicians to boobs just making a point that we use up a lot of brain space on kinda useless stuff!)
The First Bra
When we are little no one cares if they are showing you can run around the beach or in the backyard with no shirt on. In every girls life you get to the stage where even in your own house you do the fingers over your little boobie bee stings so that no one can see them. That is about the time when your mom or big sister or heaven forbid maybe even your Dad takes you bra shopping. I think every little girl remembers buying their first bra. I went with my Grandma to Army and Navy in Regina where every happening young lady in 1984 went bra shopping. I was so excited to have this contraption that I wanted to wear it to bed ( my Grandma was a buzz kill and told me you don't wear a bra to bed so I put it on my Smurf. It wasn't even Smurfette just a regular old smurf. Little did my Grandma know that 25 years later I would not only be wearing a bra to bed but 24 hours a day because if I don't I wake up in what could best be described as a wet t-shirt contest.)
Would you like a drink with that?
This brings me to the purposeful part of boobies. I am currently breastfeeding my ninemonth old. The choice to breastfeed or not and for how long is definitely a personal decission. I say whatever is best for you and your baby. I am behind you 100%. This will be my last baby so thinking about being all done is part sad and part liberating. She doesn't take a bottle which means we are never far apart from one another. This weekend I did a wedding and we spent five whole hours away from one another. When I got home she was licking my clevage like a dehydrated dog. I felt a little bit like someone was doing a body shot where I even supplied the beverage!
I know one thing for sure I will stop before she goes to Kindergarden. I will not being showing up for snack time and nursing her through the playpark chainlink fence. Breastfeeding can take a toll on one's body and I have heard girls compare their postbaby boobies to an egg on a nail or a tennis ball in a tube sock. I am fortunate to this point that everything is still where it is supposed to be and stretch mark free. I always wanted bigger boobies but I guess someday when I am in the home they won't have to pick them up to wash under them. (always a silver lining.)
You know you have breastfed for too long when:
You can tuck your boobs into your belt
You can slide your boob under your baby's nursery door to feed them in their crib
You trip on your boobies getting out of the shower wait you aren't in the shower that is just milk spraying everywhere
You use the key on the ham can to roll your boobie up and tuck it back into your bra
If your baby needs a top up before their hockey game
If your kids are fighting over who gets the next turn
Your husband is fighting with the baby over who gets the next turn
You feed the baby and then make yourself a latte with what is left
Your son's is old enough to drink in the real "Hooters"
(This is my attempt at drawing. The mom on the right looks like she combed her hair with a porkchop. I guess most new moms don't have time to shower. If you are a gifted artist would you like to send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org)
Share the Wealth
Another thing I am pretty sure about is that I won't be breastfeeding anyone elses baby. Here is a video of Selma Hayek . What do you think? Maybe if I was hosting a party and it was really late and someone needed a paralyzer I would top them up or some cream in their coffee ( just joking but I know there have been people that drank breast milk out of the fridge by mistake.)
Doing it Right!
But all kidding aside as someone who has breastfed for nearly five years of my life I would like to say to any pregnant moms out there or first timers that it isn't a walk in the park in the beginning but stick with it because it is worth it. If you want to know what it feels like just get one of those name tag holders you get at a convention that you clamp to your lapel and attach that to your boobie. Now twist it around. That is what it may feel like for the first day or two so make sure you are doing it right and it will be much better. I have fed babies while working on the computer, eating, knitting, riding in a car with the baby in the car seat (no I wasn't driving but I don't reccomend this as leaning in plugged one of the milk ducts and it gave me mastitis! That is something you don't want to mess around with. If you think you may have mastitis you will have a burning red spot on your boobie. Take a washable marker and draw a circle around it and if it gets bigger......go to your doctor. Make sure you don't get a fever!
First time Dads are new to all this too so their job can be changing bums and burping. As much as they want to help or understand I am not sure they can. My hubby asked me just before the birth of our first baby, "When do they pierce your nipple? Is it in the hospital" I didn't know what the heck he was talking about. "You know so that the milk can come out!" Man I didn't let boys read this far because he would be mad at me for telling that story. My point is you aren't supposed to have all the answers right away but you will figure it out.
One of my first published images was in a calendar celebrating boobies and breast feeding.
Ok enough about the old milk wagon. I think I would be remiss to write about boobies without talking about breastcancer. These fabulous boobies of ours are a source of food, pleasure, sensuality, beauty but can also be a source of worry, disease and anguish. I have two aunts who have fought and won against Breast Cancer. I also have a fabulouse motherinlaw along with 9 of her amazing friends that have published three amazing cookbooks. They have raised nearly a million dollars for breast cancer research and supporting and celebrating cancer survivors. We are so proud of all their hard work and dedication.
Here is an image of my one aunt during her treatments. She lost her hair and her two daughters cut all of theirs off in support. Some strong women I admire!
Do you have a story about getting your first bra you would like to share? A breastfeeding story? Or can you draw? I would love to hear from you.