Without water we couldn`t exsist. I love water, I drink it every day it quenches my thirst, I soak in a heavenly hot tub to wash away the cares of the day, I swim laps to keep fit and my heart healthy. I love water. But have you ever heard of water torture The same water we love and need to live every day can also be used to slowly, monotinously and incidiously drive one insane. Some days I think the same could be said of parenthood. As much as I love these kids, there are days when I feel like a million tiny little drops are going to drive me insane. When prisoners are tortured they are strapped down, they feel stuck with no way out, they know what they are in for and the reason this was a favorite method of torture was that there was no outward signs left so anyone could see that the person had been tortured. So next time you are in a line up in a grocery store and you see a frazzled mother pushing an overloaded grocery cart with a toddler crying in the basket, a four year old twirling around the metal poles at the checkout and screaming for a pack of gum and that mom loses her mind, don`t judge her and think why is she freaking out over one small thing. Consider the milion drops that came before.
Often it starts in the wee hours before anyone is even awake, maybe it is a peed bed, or a baby crying in the crib to wake you from a deep sleep which you can`t fall back to. Tears and pee the beginning of the water....drip, drip. The alarm rings to wake you from what feels like five minutes from you finally drifted off. Time to start getting the kids up. I don`t want to get up, my tummy hurts, I`m cold, where is my hoodie drip drip, Breakfast then hurry hurry to find your backpack, permission slips, let`s do your home reading quickly, five minutes to bus time, back pack is in the van, why do you have indoor shoes.. you forgot your boots at school again, drip drip, missed busses, forgotten luches, pack up toddlers in pjamams to do deliveries in a cold van. DRIP DRIP.
Some people comment that I am so calm. Sometimes I think I have become numb because if I allowed myself to react to every upsetting thing during the day I would surely be insane. Some days there are so many drops I feel like I am treading water. It takes so much energy just to stay afloat but you are not getting anywhere just staying in one place and getting exhausted. On really bad days you can feel like you are drowning. Don`t worry you are not alone. We all feel like that some days so don`t be afraid to ask for a life preserver. Do you have one If I need just a flutter board to hold me up for a minute then maybe a cup of coffee, a cookie, a phone call to mom, my husband taking me out to lunch, maybe writing a blog. As a mom you need some way of getting out of the water even if it is for just a moment to dry off. Then if you are lucky you just might have enough energy to dive back in and take the kids to dance, swimming, hockey, violin even if you have to miss your activities to get them there. I am lucky I have a whole life raft. My mom when she comes to visit and bakes buns, makes cookies, cleans and a million other things. My splurge group paddles by once a month and pulls me inside the yacht where we enjoy fattening food, wine, presents, and we share stories and struggles, we bitch about being fat, our jobs, our husbands and our kids and somehow we dump all that out and it makes us stonger when we leap back into life`s lake. For sure my husband is the lighthouse. He is the light in my life, he keeps me on a strong course, I know I am safe and close to home. He is sturdy and strong and keeps me safe.
Moms if you feel like you are out there all alone, be assured we are all out there swimming through life together, our bathing suits may be too tight and sometimes even see through but if we reach out for help and accept it when it is offered at least maybe for a moment we can stay dry together.