These are the things I learned today:
It is useless to have a shower in the morning if you plan on scrubbing your kitchen floor on your hands and knees.
If you scrub the floor on your hands and knees and have an 18th month old your child will have instant entertainment. A slip and slide floor and fun spanking mom in the bum.
Most of the brown pattern in my linoleum is actually dirt. This took me three years to figure out and nearly the same amount of time to clean.
Speaking of dirt. An 18th month old with pneumonia will not take her medicine because of the taste and then turns around and eats hand fulls of dirt out of her brother's plant he potted at daycare.
Babies eating plants makes 4 year olds mad.
If you are going to disguise medicine in yogurt you have one shot at getting as much medicine in as possible. Feed the baby one spoonful with no medicine and then do a switchero because for the next couple of days they won't even eat the yogurt.
A four year old will ride their bike back from the park because they forgot their hot dog on the drive-way.
Sometimes four year olds get their pant legs caught in bike chains.
Really old guys walking their dog past little boys with their pants caught in bike chains just keep on walking.
When your six year old is going to puke at least be grateful it was one minute after he got out of the hot tub and the after school snack of hotdogs and oranges was on the deck and not in the water.
Vince now carries hot tub disinfectant at Swift Vacuum
A spatula and a pail are a mom's best friend.
When you email a picture of puke to your husband using your phone it looks really gross.
When you have a babysitter over for the first time don't mention the baby has pneumonia and the six year old just puked if you still want to go on a date to the Brent Butt concert.
Brent Butt is on a one man crusade to bring back the name Myrtle. Good luck getting that into the list for "Top Girl Names in Canada for 2010"